How do you stop yourself getting drawn in? It’s a great question and one I thought I’d answer here as I know it something that a lot of parents, including me, struggle with.

If you’re hoping I’m going to say ‘here’s one guaranteed way to stop it’ I’m afraid I’m going to disappoint you…

Hitting rock bottom is horrible.
I know, because I’ve been there. I’ve spent time sitting on my bed crying my eyes out, not knowing what to do next or fearful of the future.

Sometimes these were ‘little’ blips and I managed to pick myself up quickly and carry on, but other times those feelings lasted awhile.

A reflective conversation is a conversation we’re having with our child to reflect with them on a situation that has happened, whether that be an escalation or something you can see they’re struggling with.

How do you handle a day that starts off badly? Our mindset can have a have a huge impact on how our day goes.

When I became a parent I used the ‘traditional’ methods of parenting of imposed consequences. Some of the imposed consequences I used were, time out, shouting, bribes, and anything else I could think of at the time.  The problem is that whilst these approaches may appear to work in the moment, they don’t stop the behaviours from reoccurring. 

The blame game: I don’t know about you but I know that I’ve been blamed in the past for my son’s behaviour. The blame wasn’t always obvious, just sideways looks or slowly disappearing from our lives (to be fair, the disappearing hasn’t happened much).

I started to wonder if it was me. Maybe I wasn’t a good parent? Should I not have adopted? Perhaps I did need to do things differently, but I’d tried everything and nothing seemed to be working….

Often referred to as Reconciliation Gestures these are one of the key aspects of NVR. Increasingly I’ve been using the term relational gestures as it helps to think about them in a broader way and they are not just about reconciling.  NVR is based on actions rather than words, which is one of the reasons that these gestures are so powerful.  Gestures show your child you love them and are unconditional and considered.